Clouds and Rainbows

Lately there have been a lot of cloudy days. I praise Him still. Sometimes I forget and lose my way, it is because I am caught up in me again. The giver of life is ever faithful. It is we that stray, fail. It is the enemy that sees our victory and takes whatever stronghold, insecurity, whatever tempatation that he can use to pry our souls from God. Hold on to God for dear life. Read His promises, they are true. Until they become etched in your mind and heart so on those days you are weakest, your arsenal of our only offensive weapon, His Word, is full. I wrote that for me and whoever else needs it. I am struggling lately. The symptoms that are manifesting in me would be described as anxiety. I hate labels, so I deny a lot of how I feel. I don't like to share them with the world, because they are quick to label, and even quicker to prescribe a pill. I am anxious lately, but that is not baseline for me. I don't need a prescription, I need reflection, meditation and revelation. So I have to sit down and take an inventory.What is it that leads me to this lack of peace? What is it that is keeping me from God's peace? Sin? Unforgiveness? Pride? Not abiding in Him enough, so that He may abide in me? Short changing God of my time ( I know I am guilty there). Not caring for my temple? All of these are a yes, I struggle with all of these for a while, but what is the main thing that keeps me from God's peace. I do not know exactly this very moment. I know I had some unforgiveness recently and that I am working through. I am praying the prayer of Psalm 139 begging the Lord to search my heart and make apparent to me where I come up empty. I want that peace. The Peace that a clean house, structured life, perfect physique, clear non-ADD mind, full bank account cannot give. This valley is no where as deep as the one's I have seen and walked with those I love through. However, it is a valley I am going through. I know the Lord is with me. He alone comforts me. Sometimes the answer is this: I am not being still enough to allow God to fill me up with His love so I can give it away. Oh Lord, my weary mind needs you. I cry out, give me Your peace. Not the world's. You alone can fill that void that we all have within us. Have I been trying to fill that void with something else? Make my iniquities clear to me so that I might repent and sin no more. I know there too are times that sin is not the issue, though my heart is so heavy, I know it is now. There are times you must prune us so taht we can bear more fruit. Oh God, my soul cries out, please fill me with your spirit....and through this storm I praise you. I see the clouds and know all too well the joy of the warmth of the sun that you provide and the salvation of the Son that you gave us. Oh dear Lord , if this valley is what it takes to bring me closer to you and your will, then I will endure it. You are faithful and I know you have never left me and will never forsake me and as these clouds are hovering over my head, that a rainbow will come and it will be even clearer skies than before!