Saturday, October 30, 2010

MUSE : from Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Why and how?
in my youth you inspired me
and you inspire me now
but there are times
your refrains make me cringe
cause i'm a little nutty
but i can't go there too much
cause duties and bills keep piling up

and you,
you play your piano
like making love
making music
singing to me
and the world

the world hears you
they do not hear me
i cannot play
the instruments
but i can play the game
but i got tired
and i hung up my sneakers
and picked my apron
and my briefcase

and you
you play your piano
like making love
making music
singing to me
and the world

oh i remember the day
the silly battles i thought i had
and growing up is okay
but i just wish i knew then
how simple it all was

oh in a field of green
a cool august breeze
they did not like Christians
I don't know if you do
but I prayed and listened
and smiled while you

you play your piano
like making love
making music
singing to me
and the world

From August 15, 2008 - My Testimony

The Weary Traveler

My journey often times was aimless,
At times my destination seemed known.
Though my travels many times were fruitless,
My spirit always held onto hope.
Walking along the winding ways,
Many broken paths from which to choose,
Knowledge of roads less traveled,
Did not prevail to youthful desires.
Safest routes at times were clearly marked.
Daring, I chanced to dance into the fire.
Though the scars have long faded
Along with the pain that etched them there.
A spirit weak, a will strong,
A youthful idealism jaded.
Lost, I turned to search for home.
But where is my solace, my refuge?
I have taken far too many turns!
How can I reach my safe harbor?
Will I make it there before the torch burns out?
I kept pressing forward or was it backward- I do not know.
Weary and laden with regrets I traversed
Clinging merely to Hope and Faith.
My destiny burned inside me.
My tired body, my weary mind,
My will from the spirit within me
Refused defeat or rest until I would find
the path that led back home.
And yet the closer to familiar ground
Apparent truth was revealed,
Home would not be found.
I spent my years traveling
In a winding way without end.
The path was overgrown.
All the old familiars changed.
Searching, coming up empty,
I knew my course must be rearranged.
Mustering my strength for a new journey
With only a beacon of hope,
I landed in the desert
With a good friend I have knownfor some time.
We settled near an oasis.
It was truly not a mirage.
Its water kept me alive,
But did not quench my thirst.
Once I again I resigned to fate.
A fresher oasis closer to the Son.
I set off once more,
This time with a new Compass
I would trust my instincts no more.
Past experiences proved them unreliable.
My journeys resumed.
My hope grew stronger.
My spirit was anew.
It must be closer,this new pool of water
That quenches thirst and drowns regrets!
My new Guide at the Helm,
My spirit reinvigorated
from rest in the desert,I pressed on.
Seeking led me to the truth.
Only Living Water can quench this thirst
My journey still continues.
Alas, I thirst no more!On a course that is certain
To deliver me to the door.
Though my travels continues
A greater Light guides the way.
I just must not fail to remember
To seek and use it each and every day.
Now my travel is lighter,
My burdens are laid down,
As I peacefully continue,
The Glorious path He leads me down.
And so many years I spent
In circles and paths of thorns.
I've resigned my weary travels
For a journey to the Son.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one come to the fatherexcept through Me."
--John 14:6

Autumn brings nostalgia still....

Crisp, cold autumn night. The air chills
my ears and yet it warms my heart
Change is coming, I can feel
it in the air; I just love it!

Summer's boiling heat is done
By God's grace, survived another one
This one was much harder than summer's past.
Though summer is over we are forever changed

And as the season changes, time continues to march on
Reminding us that we must also continue moving

Time, it goes so fast

Time for carving pumpkins and dressing up
And soon carving turkeys and dressing them
Then the jolly elf will pay a visit
To celebrate the birth of the child
That ransomed us all

And in this very moment
On this chilly autumn eve
So much hope lies ahead
As we trust and hope and wait

This very hope helps us look back
On all the times that have past
The broken hearts and broken dreams
The tales that had the tragic twists
And the expected sorrowful exits

So many memories tied up in just one year
Who can even fathom the number for a lifetime
And it was yesteryear I sat and penned
Autumn brings nostalgia

And here tonite it rings true even still
So looking back, I look forward
With the peace that sustained our summer.
The nostalgia this autumn brings
Reflection on the hope that fuels winter's fires
So that we may hang on until the spring

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Happy New Year......

So yesterday I turned 37. I worked the morning.....went home to find my sweet, 5 year old had drawn me a birthday card. She was excited to give me my gift, a stuffed frog from the Princess and the Frog, which she bought from the Disney store. She knows I like frogs and that excites her. She would tilt her head numerous times and smile her sweet smile as she would say "Happy Birthday Mommy!" This warms my heart...

So many birthday wishes from family and makes you feel appreciated....acknowledged....that your life has a value and makes a difference as you celebrate the anniversary of your birth.

We spent the evening at our church's Fall Family Night. It was fun. I love events where people gather and you feel you are part of a community. There is a feeling of security and fullfillment when you are part of a community. I think it is because God designed us that way. From there we came home, my husband made me a special birthday dinner, we blew out 1 candle...I am 37, but I have one life and I am choosing to celebrate that! We then sat down as a family in our upstairs family room to watch How to Train Your Dragon. A cute movie. Then the day was over...but my new year has just begun....

The past year has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Through it all...I am safe and sound because God's peace and strength carried me through each moutaintop and every valley. I look back on all that has happened over the past many events, memories, interactions, and yet the year passed so quickly.

I look forward to my new year with the hope that has been in my life since I have known Jesus; with excitement as I anticipate more fun memories, sweet smiles, and warm hugs; with certainty as I know that ultimately no matter what storms come my anchor is the Lord. I am excited to see what will unfold this next year and hope that I can keep everpresent in my mind as I go about my daily living this thought: I hope to live with fervor and passion, not going through the motions, and at the end of the day I hope God's love that he fills me up with daily I was able to give away to all who cross my path...because when all is said and done.....Love is the only thing that matters and God is love.

Thanks to all who are a part of my life....thanks to those who love me enough with me to hold me accountable.....and thanks for all the encouragement, prayers, and the love.....

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

In Memory of my Grandpa Charley Curtis

Today we honor the life of Charley Curtis, a husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend. I hear his children talk about him: to them he has been a provider, protector, leader, hero and friend. He was a provider; he labored many years to provide his family food, clothing and shelter. He was a protector. Grandpa was a leader- He went through life trying to stand up for what was right, making some mistakes along the way, but never forgetting what was most important in life- God and family. Grandpa was a hero. He served his country as a soldier defending the liberties we enjoy even to this day. He served selflessly without boasting or expecting anything in return. Apparently there was even a time that he saved a child from a burning building; without regard to his own safety he faced danger to save a life, never seeking any kind of reward. Grandpa was a friend. Whether it was talking about the old days, the weather, or sports, Grandpa never minded a conversation. He was easy to talk to and willing to listen. He especially liked talking about the Astros. He was no fair weather fan, win or lose he would listen to them on the radio, regardless of how frustrating it could be…..His strength, courage and strong work ethic were apparent, his heart for his children was more subtle but ever present. These past weeks it has been great to listen to stories his children have shared about him, their father. These memories are gift that his children will cherish all their days and hopefully pass down to other generations. In September Grandpa accepted a gift as well, from his heavenly Father as he affirmed his belief in Jesus Christ as his Savior through baptism, confirmation and communion.
A relationship with a father is so dear. I believe it is so because it echoes our relationship with our heavenly father. God is our provider, protector, leader, hero and friend. Think of how much you love your father and if you are a father, your children. It is a deep love. Realize that God loves us even more that. It is hard to fathom, but through the eyes of faith we can see that God is Love and he loves you and me more than you can imagine. In honor of Grandpa, s let us not wait until we are close to death to see that the Lord is good, but let us start a relationship with him here and now. If you have one with him then let us take it to the next level. Read His word, pray, seek Him and you will see that He gives us peace in this life that we cannot get from even those we love so much. And even greater is the reward that when this life is through all who believe in Him will exist in peace and love eternally with Grandpa and all our loved ones and our Lord

Monday, October 11, 2010

Choose to SEE - inspired by the Chapman family

I was sitting at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert when I learned Grandpa had gone to be with the Lord. In the foyer talking to Lana I could not fight back the tears when I heard. I took a deep breath and walked back in the church auditorium. I whispered to Ted, Grandpa is with the Lord now…..he asked if I needed to leave or go pray…I told him No, this was a good place to be right now. For those of you that do not know that the Chapmans lost their 5 year old daughter Maria in a tragic accident at their home 2 years ago. The concert was full of music and testimony of how God has helped them walk their journey of sorrow and that in the midst of all the grief and pain God had been leaving bread crumbs of hope. I had heard Mary Beth, the mom, on KSBJ interviewed about the upcoming event. I could hear healing and hope in her voice. In light of all our family has been through recently I craved to connect with this family because I knew if they could survive such a tragedy the hope would inspire me and our family, especially in regards to losing Lydia so soon.
The concert was amazing, I really felt God’s presence there….I felt sad and happy all at the same time. I also felt honored, privileged that I was able to have a look into the hearts and lives of this amazing, very real family.
Those of you who know me well, know that I have multiple half read books on my book shelves, on my night stand and all around my house. I get a new book that I am excited about delve into and get distracted by life and well…I never finish it…..Well Mary Beth Chapman’s book drew me in and I could not stop until I finished it this evening. In one week from beginning the book I completed it. A record for me! What was it about the book that captivated me?
A mother’s heart wonderfully displayed. It gave insight to who she is, how she arrived at the point of that life changing event, and how she has managed to get through it each day and sometimes just the moments. All the while she clings tight to her faith, giving all glory to the One who gave her the precious sweet child she misses. You see through this tragedy and this broken hearted mother and her family FAITH put to the REAL test….and not only do they survive, they are honoring God all the way…..But what really draws you even closer to the story was how God would appear in the midst of their sorrow…how he chose to give them bread crumbs of hope to keep them hanging on when nothing but faith could take them through the next moment…..You cannot know the Chapman’s story without SEEING GOD in it all the way.
Their little Maria, wrote on the back of the paper that she drew one of her signature flowers the word SEE. The Chapman’s discovered this after praying for God to help them SEE him thru the pain and sorrow. God had answered their prayer before they even prayed it.
It is hard not to become drawn to this family. It is hard to not to want to pray for them. It is even more difficult to not want to just sit in awe and wonder at the greatness of our Lord. How in the midst of such an unimaginable pain that he could carry this family through such an ordeal….all the while they are screaming out “ The gospel IS TRUE!”
I hate that the Chapman’s had to experience such loss….No one ever wants pain wished upon anyone….especially a pain so deep as the loss of a child…..but in their story I SEE God….it only confirms my faith even more and gives me hope for my own family as we are healing from pains that are deep…..
It is so wonderful to SEE that God’s promises of peace and hope are real and that joy does come in the morning…..
So as I sit here praying for what to say tomorrow to my family in reflection of the passing of my sweet Grandpa, I pray God lays a message on my heart that will help my family choose to SEE just how great our God is and that we should not wait until we are near death to taste and see that the Lord is good, but to start a relationship with him here and now….and if you have one with him take it to that next level…read his word, pray, seek Him and you will SEE that He gives us peace in this life that we cannot even get from those we love so much….you will SEE that He loves us more than we can imagine…..if you are a child or a parent you will get an insight into this …think of how you love your parent or child….that is a deep love…..imagine that God loves us even more than that… is hard to fathom, but through eyes of faith we can SEE that God is LOVE and he LOVES you and me more than we can imagine.